Sunday, May 5, 2013

42 Reasons My Toddler is Freaking Out

Since you've managed to find the best site on the inter-webs (this one, in case you didn't catch that), I'm going to assume you're a relative expert when it comes to the internet, so no doubt you've come across, heard about, know someone who's talked about the 46 Reasons My Three Year Old is Freaking Out.

Originally a blog post, the article went viral and I happened to come across it on MSN.com. While we've never experienced exactly what is listed, I was pissing myself with laughter (which, if you've ever had a baby, know is pretty easy to do) because each item on the list gave me a memory of Zoey freaking out over similar circumstances. And so, in honor of toddlers throwing tantrums everywhere, I offer my very own list of reasons why my toddler is freaking out. And I'm not guessing, here; these are conclusions we've drawn merely by being present and participatory.

1. She can't reach an itch.
2. Her shirt sleeve is bunched up under her coat sleeve.
3. She has to wear a coat.
4. She has to wear shoes.
5. She has to take off her shoes.
6. She wants her sleepsuit that is down by her feet but she can't bend down to get it because I'm putting a shirt on her.
7. There's a wet spot on her shirt.
8. There's a wet spot on her sleepsuit.
9. There's a wet spot on her bed sheets.
10. Her curtains are open.
11. She's "stuck" in her car seat.
12. She's being held.
13. She wants to be held like a baby.
14. She's not a baby!
15. She spilled a little of her milk.
16. Her sock is on wrong.
17. She wants to wear her footy-pajamas.
18. She wants to get our of the car by herself.
19. She wants to get into the car by herself.
20. She doesn't want to be held.
21. Her shoes are on the wrong feet but she insists they're on the correct feet.
22. She wants to watch Thomas and Friends, but not that one.
23. She can't play with Daddy's keys.
24. Her block tower won't stay standing.
25. Her train cars aren't hooked together.
26. We ask, "Do you want to go in your potty?"
27. The dog's tail swatted her.
28. Louis keeps running away from her.
29. She can't see when we cook.
30. She "wants to listen!" But can't stop freaking out long enough to find out what that means.
31. She has yogurt on her hand and everything she touches gets yogurt on it in a flailing, dramatic attempt to rid her hand of the yogurt.
32. The ice cube she begged for is too cold.
33. The sun's in her eyes.
34. She doesn't like that song.
35. The square block won't go in the circle hole.
36. She doesn't want the light on.
37. She doesn't want to get out of bed (although on the weekends, she seems more than willing to do so by 6:30am).
38. She wants to read her Big Bird book.
39. Daddy's video game avatar isn't waving at her.
40. She wants "THAT!"
41. The Dora the Explorer she was watching on the computer suddenly went from full-screen to the toolbar being visible.
42. Food she doesn't want is on her plate. *backs away as if it's some poisonous bug*