Tuesday, August 7, 2012

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

A few months after I had Zoey, a Facebook-friend of mine posted, "To have a child is to have your heart broken every day," and I thought, holy moly, that's sad. But she has a 5-year old so speaks from much more experience and much different circumstances. Now that Zoey has reached The Age of Toddler, it's like my friend's post couldn't be more true.

To all my friends who just had a baby and are waiting for that emotional come-down, it won't happen. Now that you're a mother, you will be an emotional basket-case for the rest of your life (it doesn't help that I started out as one). Because you grew them in your belly, cleaned up any pukey, poopy messes with nothing but silly faces and goo-goo noises, used your body to feed them (either breast or arm holding the bottle), you automatically take every sneer, pout-face, angry look, refusal of hugs and kisses, "I want Daddy!" calling the babysitter mama, tantrum, refusal of a return "I love you," and fart in your direction personally. You know your child loves you, but you can't help but think it hates you.

If you're lucky like me, you have a husband who knows exactly what to say to make you feel better (and make you believe he's not just blowing smoke up your ass so he doesn't have to ride your emotional roller coaster). He said, "You know, everything she does - telling me, "I love you" over and over in the driveway - she does because you do it. Everything she says to me is exactly how you say it to me. She learns so much from you; everything you do, she does. You two play together differently than her and I do; you have a special relationship. If anything, it's my fault, because I guess I don't tell you I love you enough (which could not be the furthest thing from the truth). And I think she takes you for granted because you're mom; you're always going to be there. But when you're not here, she asks about you. And she's always excited and runs up to give you a hug when you come home (and screams, "Mommy home!" which just melts my frozen, black heart)."

I realized there might be a chance he could possibly maybe be right, and then he did the next best thing and took cute pictures and videos of us being silly girls. Before you watch, a small disclaimer: I haven't actually watched the video so I have no idea if I do anything embarrassing. I'm pretty sure I'm in my underwear the entire time so, I'm sorry about that. Oh, and the video quality is pretty shitty because the original was very dark, and I'm lame at YouTube. What else could follow that awesome intro??


 The night we got back from Pinedale, I read Zoey my other favorite childhood story, Crictor.

 What our other baby did after we got back from Pinedale.

 The kids supervising whatever it is Daddy is doing from the shade of the house.

 All the kids lined up at the other door for some outside playtime.

She is actually saying in this picture, "GO TEAM, GO!" Ok, I told her to, but still.

Now for some super-serious fun with Bankie time (in our extremely cluttered house. Yeah, you know you're jealous): 

We have blanket hair.

So, yeah, ok, maybe she does love me. But at least I know that since we're of the same flesh and blood, she's at least hard-wired to love me. And one, "I love you, Mommy," can make me forget even childbirth; ok, let's not go overboard here....