Thursday, December 1, 2011

A [Sh*tty] Day

Tuesday had a serious case of the Mondays.

I wasn't particularly looking forward to going back to our schedule after Thanksgiving. I mean, there are still leftovers. Surely, it should be the rule that you cannot return to work until all turkey and sides are obliterated (as I scarf down the last wedge of pumpkin pie). And so, I am too weighted down with food - although you wouldn't know to look at me - here is the story in [mostly] pictures.

We came home from work Monday evening to find this:

Inside of this:

At least, it used to be until it wound up all over this:

(Zoey's room)

When Dad brought Sam - our Golden Retriever - home, we had to leave him alone one evening. We came home to a butt explosion all over my pretty pink room and I was beyond offended. Thinking back, I'm not sure if my mom knew what she was talking about, or just trying to make me feel better since I was little, but I still remember what she said, "If dogs have to be sick, and can't make it to the door (a house-trained dog will usually have accidents in front of the door), they'll sometimes go where they think they'll get in the least trouble; the person who will be mad at them the least." I could definitely look at it this way. Or I could consider the other option of why Louis shit all over Zoey's room: spite.

I spent all Monday evening scrubbing the carpet, trying to get it to not smell like an outhouse before it was time for her to go to bed. I managed to do ok, and decided to leave her door open during the night so there was a good amount of air circulation. I got up the next morning and the house still smelled like dog-ass, and I thought, I must have missed something. As you can see, we have relatively poo-colored carpet, and we tend to loose Zoey's poop nuggets all the time. I searched the living room and "bonus" room but couldn't find a thing. I assumed I just had to give the carpet another go, until Jacob went in Zoey's room to get her ready for the day and ran straight into a fresh, smeary, pile of upset dog stomach. 

Why did he go in there in the middle of the night?! In there?! He is usually a champion at waking me up in the middle of the night if he's going to be sick. I made the mistake of ignoring him once and woke up to projectile......something....all over the carpet and walls, so I never do that anymore. But he didn't even wake me! There are just so many things about this that I find weird.

Ok, so what we know is this:

 1) The garbage was ransacked and my brick of a coffee cake was devoured (among other things, I'm sure). 
 2) Louis is the only dog exhibiting signs of not feeling well, while Durbin scarfs down a bowl of food, I'm pretty sure, just to make himself innocent.
 3) Dog crap all over Zoey's room. Why?! Why not in front of the door? Or anywhere else in the house for that matter. Behind the couch would have been perfectly acceptable. Actually, there was a spot of throw-up downstairs in front of my book shelf (remember that thing I said about spite).
 4) In the middle of the living room were also a pile of stuffed animals that weren't his; Zoey's big teddy bear and stuffed dog, and my........wait for it......Sam Jr. *GASP!* Jacob saw it and said, "Oh God."
 5) I was so beyond mad at him, even making Jacob put his food bowls outside. Ok, so this might be why he didn't wake me in the middle of the night. Jacob and I laughed about the incident later, imagining what he must have thought of himself, and he hypothesized that maybe Louis brought out all of those stuffed animals because, "uhhhhhh...I don't feel well, I want to cuddle."
 6) He doodied in Zoey's room in the middle of the night. See also number 3.
 7) He didn't eat any food until Tuesday evening.

We're still working on the carpets, my friend let me borrow this:

The Green Machine, she says it's the best thing ever. The BEST!

I'm not even going to go into the rest of Tuesday morning, it is just too ridiculous. It involves cigarettes, the car bumper, a busy zoo, the neighbor, and being late.

Thankfully, Wednesday was a calm, normal day, as was Thursday. Today we have Zoey's doctor appointment in the morning, then we're meeting with our daycare lady and having a meeting of the husbands. That's right....the big D....
More on that later.